optimistically

It’s been more than a month and I guess I thought the pain would dull into a quiet groan that I would be able to ignore. I guess, I guessed wrong.  So much has changed in my life, so much has moved out of my life and so much as moved in. I saw my life shift suddenly into this massive fog, I don’t know my left from right, up from down, pain from excruciating pain. I don’t know anymore, I don’t know where life will lead me and when the crying will stop.  Yet in the quietness of a not so quiet apartment on a not so quiet street, I am constantly reminded of the how much more there is to life than my failed relationship. Even as I sit and cry over the loss, the buses still whiz by like any other day and the pub still fills with noise like any other day. The earth still spins around the sun, the season turns a colder shoulder and I’m sure my pants a little tighter. Everything moves on and even though I pretty much am a wreck and cry all the time, I know that visceral pain that I’m hoping will leave, will have a smaller voice soon. One day, I’ll forget it’s even there.   If not, God still loves me. :)  emptycupboard: remember (by hope is real)

It’s been more than a month and I guess I thought the pain would dull into a quiet groan that I would be able to ignore. I guess, I guessed wrong. 

So much has changed in my life, so much has moved out of my life and so much as moved in. I saw my life shift suddenly into this massive fog, I don’t know my left from right, up from down, pain from excruciating pain. I don’t know anymore, I don’t know where life will lead me and when the crying will stop. 

Yet in the quietness of a not so quiet apartment on a not so quiet street, I am constantly reminded of the how much more there is to life than my failed relationship. Even as I sit and cry over the loss, the buses still whiz by like any other day and the pub still fills with noise like any other day. The earth still spins around the sun, the season turns a colder shoulder and I’m sure my pants a little tighter. Everything moves on and even though I pretty much am a wreck and cry all the time, I know that visceral pain that I’m hoping will leave, will have a smaller voice soon. One day, I’ll forget it’s even there.  

If not, God still loves me. :) 

emptycupboard:

remember (by hope is real)

‘It is always darkest just before the Day dawneth.’ - Thomas Fuller I am a morning person. As much as I dread waking up early in the morning to go for class, I do try to remind myself what they mean to me. They bring hope that the day will better, that the day will be different from the first and be kinder to me. With everything going on, I doubt whether I’ll ever get through this, the amount of weight I carry around everyday is immeasurable, but with this I know, the morning will come. 

‘It is always darkest just before the Day dawneth.’ - Thomas Fuller

I am a morning person. As much as I dread waking up early in the morning to go for class, I do try to remind myself what they mean to me. They bring hope that the day will better, that the day will be different from the first and be kinder to me.

With everything going on, I doubt whether I’ll ever get through this, the amount of weight I carry around everyday is immeasurable, but with this I know, the morning will come. 

(via justyouradveragegirlco)

out of the most ordinary circumstances, the most extraordinary come.  broken and dark i come, yet i know beauty will follow.  i don’t know how that will come to be.  i don’t know what that will be.   yet i know at the end,  something beautiful will come.  annaharo: Full Circle (by Hakka69)

out of the most ordinary circumstances, the most extraordinary come. 

broken and dark i come, yet i know beauty will follow. 

i don’t know how that will come to be. 

i don’t know what that will be.  

yet i know at the end, 

something beautiful will come. 

annaharo:

Full Circle (by Hakka69)

Our family has had many dogs, but just one cat. She used to let me lug her around like a shawl and drag her from under the car. She was lovely albeit frightened of the girl who loved her a little bit too much. I’m still a dog person, but there’s something silently charming about them. The way the manage to get you to love them without having to do tricks, the way they move so fluidly across the room, the way they always land on their tiny paws and the way they make you work for their love. Cats can be cool. And I do miss her. 

Our family has had many dogs, but just one cat. She used to let me lug her around like a shawl and drag her from under the car. She was lovely albeit frightened of the girl who loved her a little bit too much. I’m still a dog person, but there’s something silently charming about them. The way the manage to get you to love them without having to do tricks, the way they move so fluidly across the room, the way they always land on their tiny paws and the way they make you work for their love. Cats can be cool. And I do miss her. 

(Source: symooh, via sublimeviolence)

love enough to choose to deny yourself the pleasure of fulfilling your own instincts and doing what is unnatural. love enough to say, let’s go your way. 

yet again, i am foolish, selfish and childish. yet again, i stumble and fail to be what i want so badly to be. now i offer only apologises and promises that the fighting will stop. 

God, teach me to deny myself and do what is best. 

(Source: daltdisney, via sublimeviolence)

To always stand by you.  I love him with all my heart and I love him almost unconditionally (key word: almost). It’s a stab in the heart, head, tummy and thighs to hear that he cannot be with me anymore. Not because of how things are between us but because of how things are externally. To hear about the pain he goes through and how pain has been such a big part of this life that he can no longer feel it makes me grieve. How could I have been so ignorant to not know his pain; how could I have been so naive to willingly believe he doesn’t feel any; how can I keep on talking about myself still focused on myself and not on him?  Do I love him enough to say, be free? Or do I love him enough to say, I’m sticking with you till you get better?  My father taught me to never leave, to stay even when only hatred seems to linger. I was taught to stay and hold on till the very end and never leave. I was taught to endure. Is that what I do? Grip tightly, hold the reins till my fingers bleed and all strength has left my body, and then hold on some more.  Or do I love him enough to say, forget me, I’ll be fine, I’ll leave and you won’t hear a peep from me? He says he needs space, should I make haste and leave?  Forgive such a heavy post for such a cute cartoon. 

To always stand by you. 

I love him with all my heart and I love him almost unconditionally (key word: almost). It’s a stab in the heart, head, tummy and thighs to hear that he cannot be with me anymore. Not because of how things are between us but because of how things are externally. To hear about the pain he goes through and how pain has been such a big part of this life that he can no longer feel it makes me grieve. How could I have been so ignorant to not know his pain; how could I have been so naive to willingly believe he doesn’t feel any; how can I keep on talking about myself still focused on myself and not on him? 

Do I love him enough to say, be free? Or do I love him enough to say, I’m sticking with you till you get better? 

My father taught me to never leave, to stay even when only hatred seems to linger. I was taught to stay and hold on till the very end and never leave. I was taught to endure. Is that what I do? Grip tightly, hold the reins till my fingers bleed and all strength has left my body, and then hold on some more. 

Or do I love him enough to say, forget me, I’ll be fine, I’ll leave and you won’t hear a peep from me? He says he needs space, should I make haste and leave? 

Forgive such a heavy post for such a cute cartoon. 

(via artpixie)

So, we’ve been dating for almost 2 years and yet we don’t know where we stand and what we should do. We desperately love each other, yet circumstance keeps us from marriage. We (more him than me) from the get go were sure this (us dating) to end in marriage and that’s what we are working towards. Yet, the sway of circumstance keeps us from it. Should we bow to pressure (both internally and externally) and allow what we believe to be what we both want or just take that leap of faith and free fall into the unknown?  memoriesofgold

So, we’ve been dating for almost 2 years and yet we don’t know where we stand and what we should do. We desperately love each other, yet circumstance keeps us from marriage. We (more him than me) from the get go were sure this (us dating) to end in marriage and that’s what we are working towards. Yet, the sway of circumstance keeps us from it. Should we bow to pressure (both internally and externally) and allow what we believe to be what we both want or just take that leap of faith and free fall into the unknown? 

memoriesofgold

(Source: aqua-rius)

Even when I was in primary school, it was obvious that I wasn’t an intellect. I find every way possible to run away from homework and always came home with less than impressive marks. This worried my parents and before I knew it, my parents were sending me for psychological tests to figure out what’s wrong with me. However, I never really knew what was wrong with me. When people asked, I merely said, ‘language problem’. It was because of my parents persistence that I got exempted from one subject which therefore allowed me to focus on less subjects for the exams which in turn helped me get sufficient enough marks to get me to the school of my choice. After that, I still struggled immensely with studying.  It’s been 13 years since I’ve realised that I had a ‘language problem’. I finished secondary school, high school, got a degree then went back to try to get into uni again for another degree and now am attempting my second degree. I struggle a lot. I fail a lot. I still doubt myself a lot, painfully so. It was only today after begging my mother to show me the psychologists’ report from 13 years back that I realised what was ‘wrong’ with me. I have a learning disability. Maybe I’ve outgrown it, maybe I haven’t, but I guess the important thing is that I’m working through life with it. I’m not stupid, I just don’t take things in as well.  Life moves on and I’m not going to get left behind again! 

Even when I was in primary school, it was obvious that I wasn’t an intellect. I find every way possible to run away from homework and always came home with less than impressive marks. This worried my parents and before I knew it, my parents were sending me for psychological tests to figure out what’s wrong with me. However, I never really knew what was wrong with me. When people asked, I merely said, ‘language problem’. It was because of my parents persistence that I got exempted from one subject which therefore allowed me to focus on less subjects for the exams which in turn helped me get sufficient enough marks to get me to the school of my choice. After that, I still struggled immensely with studying. 

It’s been 13 years since I’ve realised that I had a ‘language problem’. I finished secondary school, high school, got a degree then went back to try to get into uni again for another degree and now am attempting my second degree. I struggle a lot. I fail a lot. I still doubt myself a lot, painfully so.

It was only today after begging my mother to show me the psychologists’ report from 13 years back that I realised what was ‘wrong’ with me. I have a learning disability. Maybe I’ve outgrown it, maybe I haven’t, but I guess the important thing is that I’m working through life with it. I’m not stupid, I just don’t take things in as well. 

Life moves on and I’m not going to get left behind again! 

(Source: zeroing, via sublimeviolence)